Lost

I got lost 

Somewhere along the path, I got lost 

I forgot who I was

I forgot how to be me

I didn’t realize how much I fed off other people

It doesn’t even need to be anything deep or elaborate 

People to smile at and say hi to

People happy to see you and smile and say hi back

Maybe this is something a loved introvert can never understand

An extrovert needs people to survive

It is like taking a sunflower or tomato and keeping it in the house 

Shut away in the dark is a death sentence 

It might not die,

But it will never be what it was meant to be

It will never give you the joy that you want it to

It will never beat the fruit it was designed to

Unless…

Unless it is given tons of extra care and attention

Unless you carefully monitor the moisture it receives 

Unless it is given room and support to grow

Unless you are attentive and make sure it is showered in the right kind of light 

Then it has a chance 

*Silenced*

My children

My children continue to grow up and change
As the do, they way I feel is strange.
I am proud of the people they become,
As they remember where they come from

I am frighten of the world around them
My child among swine, a pearl, a gem.
I fear they will be tarnished and scratched and hurt,
I fear their sweet spirits crushed in the dirt.

Children of God, my not-so-little ones are
So for them is set a high bar
They will ascend and impress all around
They will grow wings and fly high above the ground.

I feel like I should have something profound or inspiring to say. I am just me and I am here.

Having a rough morning. I feel like nothing I can do or say or be will ever be enough.

Tears

Nothing to put my finger on
No real answer to the questions
I am just loosing a battle
And trails of salt down my face prove evidence

Ouch!

It may be petty and small to feel a bit betrayed by one who is supposed to be my “best friend” or maybe because I am not a man that title doesn’t count.

Last week I was trying to run through the sprinklers with my dog like I had so many times before, but this time he freaked out and pushed me into the street. My palms, wrist, forearm, elbow, knee and shins… pretty my whole left side ended up scraped up and bruised. But perhaps what was hurt the most was my pride and my relationship with my dog. This guy I was kind of trusting would help protect me, left me lying in the gutter bloody. It has been a week now and my body still bears the marks of this event; and while I am trying to let it go, my emotions have not quite healed either. Maybe I am just petty.

Sweet Dreams

I thought I was doing well
No meltdowns or ugly sobbing tears
I walked and walked my head held high
Running past young men that should have given fears
Fearless of the cars speeding close by
What could they do to me, this mortal shell?

Then tonight, a friend bids me sleep well and sweet dreams
And tears pour down my face
Dreams locked away, I must not return, it seems
Not this time, this can no longer be my place.

Such a little and common thing
So everyday and small
To set off such heartache
Nothing meant by it at all
So life goes on like this
One heartache to the next
Until we reach for Heaven
And He reminds us how to sing.

Late night whispers

As I walk through my day
My eyes a little bloodshot
Too late up again did I stay
Wisdom and caution I forgot
For just one more minute
With a dear friend
Just a little longer bit
Before the convo must end

So quickly hope is shattered
Words so swiftly destroy
When once I hoped to matter
Abandoned like a forgotten toy